You work out of a Hotel?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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