I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
