you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
