you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
