So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
God I need to hump something, right now.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
