"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
