her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
