yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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