idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
