idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
