...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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