so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
