I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
