normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
