You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
