She is in my trunk
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
