its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
