I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
