I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
