woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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