FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
