rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
