I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
