She is in my trunk
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
