I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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