Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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