We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
