I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
