no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
did i walk over a car last night?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
