You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
