Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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