they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
