Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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