I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
