I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
