I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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