U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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