Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize