pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
