porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
