I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
