Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
