even my farts smell like vagina
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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