guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
okay pat passed out under dana's car
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
