I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
