I hate all girls vehemently.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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