she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
