were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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