Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
