Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
